College...Mission... Life

I think it's time for me to take some time and reflect. It has been quite some time since my last post, which isn't a huge deal because I'm not one of those viral bloggers that people feed off or anything, I have just learned through the years that it is important for me to reflect on the past and write it down. You might ask if I keep a journal, that's a definite no... but maybe someday I will. I'll try to put some pictures in here, but for now. This is just me writing down my life's story.

When I returned home from my mission, I wasn't necessarily as stable as I would have preferred. Returning home 6 months early definitely wasn't the easiest experience, nor one that is desired by any young man who goes and serves a mission. However, I wouldn't have it any other way. This past year I have truly learned more about myself than I think I could have given any other circumstance. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, and the experiences I have had since being home have undoubtedly confirmed that belief.

Life is full of ups and downs, if it weren't that way, life would be lame! My original plan for the fall term was to stay in Fresno, go to Fresno City, and coach volleyball at Clovis North. It was a perfect set-up, and I'd make tons of money...not really, but sufficient. I knew it was a good choice, but I couldn't help thinking that it wasn't the best. The Lord definitely has guided me time and time again, deciding where to go to school was definitely His doing. The spirit kept pressing me to find a way to get to Utah (I know.. the land of the Mormons). However, I am an absolute advocate of this place. I much prefer to have a career in Fresno, but for now, Utah has been where I need to be. I was accepted, gracefully, into the LDS Business College. I had heard many great things about this school, and my wonderful aunt and uncle have allowed me to live in their home. It's so great, I love it, and them!

One of the greatest parts of LDS Business College is the emphasis they put on the spirit teaching us. I took this to heart from the very first day. I knew there was something I needed to personally learn there. Mind you, the spirit consistently pressed me to get the wheels turning towards going back out on my mission and finishing honorably. The first month or so of school, every assignment in which I was required to ponder and let the spirit guide my learning, I was pressed to return to the mission. I learned about myself, about why I am the way I am, and why I do the things I do. Ultimately, I decided to return to the mission field, and would do whatever was required of me to do so. Funny side note- going to the gym every day and turning my brain off from all the outside cares allowed me many hours of reflecting, and the ultimate conclusion that I want to return. I actually sent the text to my Stake President letting him know that I was ready to get back. That's just for my sister-in-law though, she likes to hear how much I go to the gym. :)

Did I mention how much I love school? I have the greatest teachers. I have definitely confirmed that I want to be an English teacher/coach. That's my calling in life. I know it... so I'm going to chase it, once I finish my mission, of course. My English teacher has definitely been one of the most inspirational teachers I have had. She has helped me out a ton and helped me grow in my learning and writing. She ensured me that she would still be around when I return and to keep in touch after my mission so that she can help me get the ball rolling! Have you ever thought about the people that are placed in your life at any given time? There have been countless individuals who have come in to my life and have led me in the direction that the Lord wants me to go. God definitely know's me, and the type of people to place in my life, because time and time again He has led me through them. So to those of you who have been one of God's helpers in my life, thank you.

This past year since being home, I have been able to remove the thickest and strongest of chains that were bringing me down each and every day. Only through the grace of the Lord, Jesus Christ and His Atonement has that been possible. I hope to one day be able to help others around me, and to always be a positive  example in peoples lives. I can't stand having grudges or harsh feeling towards others. It's funny because even though I say that, I'm a hypocrite. I have a long way to go in this life, but I do try to improve myself daily. I think I'll put some pictures in now.

The Salt Lake City Temple..

Solitude, Comfort, Peace.. I took this one day just sitting, waiting for some friends for brunch! 

Fresno People... :) 

We always stick together. 

My cousin Coleman..

Definitely grew as best friends while living with this kid! 

Sidney and Matti...

Through good and bad... I really do love them both. 

My boy Taylor.

He's a huge example to me. Thanks man. 

Man-Period...

Story of my life.

My brothers.

Shooting one day. It's good to be with them.

FAMILY PICTURES!

Not my favorite activity, but we look good I think :) 

Brooke! 

This about sums up our friendship. Don't hate me for putting a pic of you k?

P.P.P.

The Brotherhood Reunited... These guys give me strength.

There you have it. Love it, hate it. Life's fantastic. Have a great day and always remember:

"I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you uo." - Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

I Can Only Imagine..

I'm sitting here, listening to the song "I Can Only Imagine," by Mercy Me. I was just paroozing through peoples blogs and what not, and was just simply overcome with a feeling of love and peace. 

You might possibly wonder WHY in the world I put THIS picture. I don't really know..  I just LOVE the temple and think it will come out as the best choice for what I might have to say for this post!... if anyone reads this! 

I just marvel at the fact that one day, i'll be able to live FOREVER with my family. I can only imagine what it will be like. I love my family. My immediate family, of course, as well as my extended family. The photo above was taken at my cousin, Jake Probert's wedding. It truly was a blast having all the family there. I don't really know how to explain it- but I feel when I am together with my family, whether it be in large groups, or just my own family, I get a small glimpse of what heaven will be like. It's super hard to get this all straight and flowing, so I apologize. I suppose I'm just filled with the spirit right now, and usually when that happens to me- I write. SO today I'm doing a new blog post...it HAS been a while! 

I can only imagine,
What it will be like,
When I walk by Your side.
I can only imagine what my eyes will see,
When Your face is before me.
I can only imagine.

I love those lyrics, and this picture. I've found myself sitting on a bench surrounded by beautiful scenery and beautiful views, feeling as though this picture were true. I've learned so much about myself since I've returned from serving in the Canada Calgary Mission. The ULTIMATE lesson that's been prevalent, is this; I can not be who I want to be through my own merits. Alone I can do nothing. With the help of the Lord- I can do all things. In order to receive His help though, I have to surrender my all- and give it back to Him. 


So, I am. Each and every day is a battle to become better, to prove what I let myself become wrong. To allow myself to be what I was sent here to be!... to quote another song... "I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive, I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise, to fly." I don't quote those to sound arrogant or egotistical, because those things are all directed at one person alone. The big bad man downstairs. 


Does this post even make sense?! I don't even know... but I know i'm enjoying just writing and putting my thoughts into words, and putting it in a place I know I can return to and read later..and hopefully will benefit from! That's why I try to keep a journal.. i need to be better though! 


Romans 12:21
-Find Joy in the Journey! 
--Ster

A Glimpse of Canada, Eh!?

This is the border of British Columbia, which is West of Alberta. 

This is what hiking in BC looks like! :) 

One of my BEST friends in the mission..Elder Park!

Baptism of Owen Tuckey... "How Great shall be your joy!"

Downtown Calgary @ Night!! 

Karen's Baptism... She was my Mom in the mission! I love her! I recently got an e-mail from her saying that in the next couple of months, her and her husband will be going through the temple! 

Pres. & Sis. Archibald! My Heroes!! 

Well, There's a couple of pictures from my mission! Things are going absolutely wonderful for me right now in life. Looking through these pictures SERIOUSLY made me miss being in Canada, but that's all good! It's time to get life going forward and continue doing what's right! 

In regards to my mission, i'll never be able to repay the Lord for all the wonderful experiences and lessons that I experienced while there. Elder Christofferson of the 12 spoke to our mission last April and said that when we return home, we can in NO way feel like the Lord owes us ANYTHING! I can honestly say that I feel even MORE indebted to the Lord now than I ever have in my entire life. I know my story is a little different than most, but I still cherish each and every moment that my mission offered me! 

Hopefully I'll be better about posting and keeping my life up to date on here... even if nobody reads anything, it'll be good for me! Like a journal! :) 

Anyway. I hope all is well for everyone! FIND JOY IN THE JOURNEY! 

Ch ch Check It Out!

So, how come stupid blogspot doesn't correct our grammatical errors for us? or automatically capitalize the things that need to be capitalized! I mean, come on... it's 2010, and you're telling me that I have to do this all myself now?! LAME!

Totally kidding, but anyway, it's March 3rd already! Where in the world did February go?? Goodness, it's crazy how fast time is flying by. The update on my life: work, coach, prepare for my mission. If I may, I will dissect each of those for you.

Work: I already have written somewhat about my work. Going against the rules and completely breaking some laws, not really but, I can no longer say their names. Today was a pretty great day. I work mondays, wednesdays, thursdays all alone. So today I decided to try and experiment with the way that I do things, such as working one on one instead of having 2 of them in at the same time. This worked fantastic for "Rocket Math." which... Bobby we will call him, for lack of a better name... he was able to learn new multiples which he didn't know prior and did outstanding with the flash cards. Then later on, after recess, Bobby came back in... oh goodness, between the time he left me and went to recess and back, the devil came out of him! We do this program called, "Rewards" where he has to read word parts and sound them out, then read listen and repeat words, then spell 4 from the list of my choice. He always says that I said one thing to try and get me to change what i'm doing, and says he forgot, or says he can't, or that we already did it... I can completely understand, he hates the drills, and I do to, I won't lie..but in no way will I ever let him know that! Maybe when he's older..we will see. All I know is, we finished the work, then after every time the kids come in, I bump fists with them, but this time..Bobby said he didn't want to. Then he proceeded to walk to the door, and I told him to come back, then pounded it, then he walked out..and OH MY GOSH! The last look he gave me before he walked out the door... he glared into my soul! I still love the kid to death, I just want him to not say that he "Can't" do something and actually try! So yes, work is amazing..it's my almost dream job and boy oh boy, it does indeed pay well. The other kids are doing great as well... motoring through all the work I give them and it is always a pleasure to work with them, I walk out of there filled with love for each and every one of them.

Coaching: Where to begin?! I'm the head JV coach at Clovis North High School. Yes, it's my first team i've ever coached but, they are doing pretty well. Or so I thought. Today was our first scrimmage, we played 2 teams, each team we played 2 games to 25. Nothing like a normal match. Just 2 straight games to 25. So, game 1... 8-25 our loss, game 2.. 11-25. That was the first team, second team was 17-25 our loss, and game 2 was 24-26 our loss.. see a pattern? YES! They got better and better as we went on! We held the lead for basically all of the last game but then we blew it. I take the blame..I didn't push them or prepare them enough in practice, that's okay though. We will just work harder next time and continue to get better. This is good though, because now we know what we DON'T want to do! I love it though, it's a true privilege to be able to coach the guys. I have 14 players on my team..it's nice for practice so we can scrimmage and what not but..it's harder to be one on one with that many guys around.

Prepare For My Mission: Boy, if I didn't know where to begin for coaching, then I have a real big problem here! I just wish I could take all of my notes and have them implanted into this here document and show them to all of you! The scriptures are absolutely AMAZING! Do you realize this? Holy cow. They tell us EVERYTHING that we would ever need to know, we just have to learn how to understand them! Like isaiah, haha..funny joke. I'm nowhere near to understanding that! But there's good stuff in there! However, that's not where I wanted to turn your attention. I don't have one specific area in which I would like to write, there's just FAR too much out there for that. Preach My Gospel though, OH MY GOODNESS! AHHHH!!! not an AHHHHH!!! of fear, but of... amazement! it's...perfect! Okay okay you got me, I will share one maybe 2 or 3 scriptures with you just because they're fresh on my mind, and I love them! I've already shared them with some..but check it out okay? Have you ever read Romans 12? I have! Many many times these past few days. It just lays it out and says...be this. okay? okay. Then, another..in 3 Nephi 9... verses 3-12 all say "I" referring to Jesus Christ taking responsibility of all the things that happened, then in verse 13 he seals it up. We should strive to be a little better EVERY DAY! So, along with studying and growing to love the scriptures, there are also the mission papers! they are all on-line now which is pretty cool. Also, there is the medical and dental forms which must be filled out and returned to the Bishop as soon as possible! The medical..ugghhh..i had to wait 1 hour just to get in to the room, then, i was there for another hour getting all the tests! hernia check (awkward!), blood drawn, pee sample, height, weight, eyes, ears, then shots! ouch!! then dental... not as bad at all! I have 0 cavities and yeah.. it's good! I get my fake tooth tomorrow, which I am soooo excited for! The process is coming along well, I can not wait to see where I get called!

Okie dokie.. that's about all for now I believe. I sure do love life, it truly is amazing! I received an awesome email today from my institute teacher in Utah..oh man. He's a stud! I love the gospel, it's true! I love my Savior, He lives! I love the Book of Mormon, it's true! Joseph Smith, Thomas Monson, True prophets... all the above, I promise you they are true. I know it, do you? :) As I usually do at the end of my blogs, thank you for reading this, whoever you are. I appreciate it, you taking the time to read what I have to say. I'm weird, don't remind me! kidding, it's fun. But really, I appreciate it. I sure do love you, regardless if I know you or not. Stay classy. And Keep Smilin'! :)

Music & My Dreams

Alright... Music. I can't deny my love for music, I've written all too many times about how much I love it. But I've been playin' a lot of guitar lately, and well, i'm absolutely love every moment that I spend with my guitar, whose name just so happens to be, Leonidas.

Recently, in a couple of the dreams that I have had... There has been music involved, some stuff that I have never before heard. It's almost like my mind is screaming at me to get the stuff out, but when I go to play, NOTHING COMES! So, i've come to the conclusion that the music is there in my head, but I just can't quite get it out right yet. Maybe i'm not to the skill level I need to be, so, maybe some day it will all work for me. Someday..definitely.

So the post is called "Music & My Dreams." Yeah, because, music has been in my dreams, and I have some pretty dang crazy dreams! Just ask some of my friends whom I share some of these dreams with, because often times, it's about them! However, last night..I could fly. It was super sweet, then after I was done flying, this kid sang to me. It was beautiful! I feel like I have dreams about people whom I have never met, and then I wake up and wonder..are they out there? Because I would love to meet them. Especially the girls! I could say, "Hey, I had a dream about you once.. YOU are my dream-girl!" Haha yeah right, like that will ever happen. The one girl I dream about these day's is in love with someone else. But hey, that's perfectly okay :)

Well, if you're wondering, "My Dreams" expands more beyond what happens in my R.E.M. cycles. In my life, I have many goals and aspirations that I would enjoy accomplishing. But, sometimes we fall short, which is okay! Ultimately, with my life, I want to become a teacher and a coach. Preferably at the high school level, teaching English and coaching Volleyball. Want to know something crazy? I've already got both of my dream jobs! However, they're not official careers or anything. I work at Liberty Elementary School with the RSP program. Do I know what RSP stands for? nope. but.. allow me to explain. Some kids have a harder time learning the basics, reading, math, social studies, that sort of stuff. So, I help them out, and give them lessons. I teach 4 kids, 2 @ the same time, then the other 2 I work one-on-one with. They are all amazing kids. Vincent and Logan I work with in the morning, we start out working on Language Arts, then on to Math after a 30 minute session. I love these kids, they are an absolute pleasure to work with, no denying that. Vincent has the brightest smile ever, and it's sooooo deceiving! He smiles always, and it's hard to decipher what kind of mood he is in. But i love him, no doubt. Logan, funny kid, doesn't talk much, but he's always a pleasure to work with, and loves telling me about what he does randomly throughout the week. kind of... then there's Chris. hahaha oh boy, this kid just cracks me up! He has a very very high functioning form of Autism, which makes me love him all that much more. He has the greatest sense of humor, and even has courage enough to make fun of me, Mr. Hansen! <--that was weird to have to start being called that! After I work with Chris, I work with Neil. (I will tell more about the kids later on, when i know more about them individually, it's only been a couple of weeks.) He always comes in and looks like he has done something clever and won't tell me about. Like he's hiding a secret. Then he tells me about how he played Call of Duty on XBOX for 4 hours the past night. He just got glasses, the old school big frame ones, they are totally awesome!! super retro. So yeah, i work from 9-12 every day, and it's amazing!

Coaching starts this week..tomorrow actually. I've been coaching a 13's club team for the girls, they are all super funny. way fun to work with, when they call me coach, it trips me out!!! I'm going to be the head JV coach of the boys team at Clovis North High School. I'm pumped about that one, i'm actually gettin' paid for it! But yeah. Life is going super great for me right now, everything just..happend. Well, I can't say that. God had a major part in everything. I thank him for everything I am blessed with, the teaching job, I could not have gotten that job without his help! oh boy! that's for another post though. I love Him, and the church. EVERYTHING happens for a reason, i'm a firm believer in that. But for now. Just know. Life's working out for me. I love you all. Whoever you may be.

Koda

Leucemia-The growth and development of the blood cells are abnormal. Strictly speaking, leukemia should refer only to cancer of the white blood cells (the leukocytes) but in practice it can apply to malignancy of any cellular element in the blood or bone marrow, as in red cell leukemia (erythroleukemia)

For You:

If only you could read and understand the things I want to tell you. You're only 2 years old, innocent, humble, loving, happy, pure, and perfect. Every time I would walk into the doors of the Hollberg home, seeing your smiling face would fill my heart with joy. Often times I would drive up there just to see you, but don't tell any one else that.. They might get jealous. You taught me what loving is really all about. When you would grab my hand and say, "Toys" with such enthusiasm, i couldn't help but give in and go play with you, even if i ripped my pants once diving onto the carpet to go play with you. Every time I would hear you say my name, i would just get so excited and feel so loved. You're an angel sent from above, in just 2 short years, you have changed many peoples lives. Knowing what I know, if everything doesn't work out and you're not able to make it through this chemo and all of the struggles of having this cancer, i know that everything will be okay for you. You're a choice spirit, and one of the great ones. If this just so happens to be the last time I get to say anything to you, just know that I loved you, with all of my heart. I can't help but break down into tears realizing that which you have to go through, all the pain, anguish, all with having done nothing wrong...ever. You made me realize a lot what love is really all about...

I have always been a fan of people, and have tried my best to be as loving as I can, but hey, i'm not perfect. But getting to know you and grow to absolutely adore you, I realized more and more for myself that love, is a gift that comes straight from our Father in Heaven. But really, you are amazing. You bring your family together, and bring them so much joy. They all love you so much, and are so proud of everything you have done. I have had a picture up in my room of Jesus and a small little boy around your age walking in a meadow by a river.. when i see it i think of you, and i can't help but smile. Your name will be spoken of for a long time, i am truly honored to call you my cousin, even though you amazing mommy is my direct cousin, i still claim you as mine..because that's the closest claimage i can get. if i could call you my nephew, i would be all the more honored. Every person has struggle in their lifetime, yours just so happens to be coming on earlier than expected, and also happens to be an extremely scary thing. for me, i've gone through life struggling with personal things, never something outward or had people known. At times i would feel pity for myself, but now, as your situation has come about, i feel like such a bad person.. i've gone through life 18 years, 7 months, and 5 days now..give or take a few, and you, you're 2. who am i to go about living my life risking things? Not just for you, but for me as well, you being the great example to me, i will strive my best every day to live my life the way that you have, and the way that you loved me for. You loved me without even knowing what i was about, but you still stretched out your hand towards mine, and called out my name. I cherish the memories that i have with you, and will forever remember them. You are in my thoughts and prayers, and i wish the best for you. i know that throughout these next few days, weeks, months, years...whatever it may be, i know that you will conquer go through them as strong and that your example to your family through this will be just as great as it has been leading up to this point. i know that you don't really understand what i am saying, but Kota, i love you, with all of my heart. and i thank you for the example that you have been to me. Forever yours, your cousin, your brother in the army of God, your friend, and someone who looks up to you...Sterling

My Soul Delights

Well, Life's pretty crazy, i won't lie. uh. it's been a long time since i last posted anything here on this blog, but. i'm finally breaking out of my shell, i'm no longer afraid to discuss the things of my soul to people, or to sit and sing in front of the ones i love. for some reason, i used to be oh so scared of that. as well as reading my scriptures in front of my parents, for some odd reason when my mom would tell me, "good job" or something of that sort for reading my scriptures. it would make me want to do it less. i guess i just feel like reading my scriptures doesn't deserve any praise on congratulation, all that should be given to God.

so i wake up every morning, drop to my knees, thank my heavenly father, and ask him to grant me with His spirit. also for help and guidance in the things which i am currently working on. getting ready for my mission being my #1 right now. study 30 minutes each morning is the goal, and i have been sticking to that goal to the best of my ability, ever since the new year started, i have been keeping up on a lot of things. I love the new year, it's a time for change and betterment. i don't care who you are or what you have seen in the past, it's the dang truth! <--sarcasm. don't worry. i have truly grown to love studying the doctrine of the church, my choice piece of study at this moment in time: preach my gospel. oh man, it's truly an amazing book. i have been studying the chapters each morning, conquering 1 chapter a day, and now i'm on the lessons and am through the first 2. i'm nowhere close to being able to teach them, i'm just familiarizing myself with them right now, but later, i will work harder on knowing them. it is so interesting to read and take in the things of those lessons. i found that one of the most interesting was in ch. 2 of it, the lesson on "what i should study" or something. about taking the things that we learn, the gospel principles, and actually applying them to our lives and showing Christ that we actually care. that way we learn so much more through the experiences we have by following those principles.

i could go on for days about that, but i'll save it for later.